Strapped Down Read online

  I gulp nervously, there is no way I can overpower a man of his size even if he didn’t have a gun. Taylor has asked—demanded—that I trust him. He takes care of things. I can imagine him watching this scene unfold, furious with me for taking such a risk and so for once, I am going to let Taylor take care of us his way.

  “Okay,” I say. “I’ll go along.”

  We drive a few miles south., Eventually he guides me to make a turn, and then another, and we end up at a small motel on a quiet side road. I scan the parking lot for someone, anyone to give the help me eye, but the lot is empty on this dreary, wet fall morning. Eric leads me to a room and makes me sit on the bed. Though I am not religious and I never pray, I silently hope to god that he truly has no intentions for me in this room.

  “Look,” he says, pulling the magazine out of the gun and sliding back the chamber to show me the gun is no longer loaded. “I just want to talk to you. You have to understand why I came back, okay?”

  “What does it matter what I think?”

  “Because it does. Because I am not a cold-blooded psychopath like Taylor may want you to believe. And because I like you. I think you’re a good person, and for some reason my brother attracts really good women. And I don’t know, I just can’t let him keep getting away with everything.”

  “Taking me hostage is not really scoring you any points with me,” I say boldly. I do believe he doesn’t want to hurt me. It may be a false sense of security, but Eric has always seemed familiar to me.

  “Well, framing me for torture and rape isn’t helping you out either.” Touché motherfucker.

  “Except there is some truth to those claims.” Shit, stop being so fucking ballsy.

  “No, no there aren’t. But I’m willing to chalk all this up to the fact that shit has gotten really out of control. I hope you’ll give me the same benefit of the doubt.”

  I nod begrudgingly.

  “But first, I’m hungry as hell. Following you today worked up my appetite. You have to be hungry too.” Well I was, until all hell broke loose.

  “I’m fine.”

  “You’ll be hungry once your nerves settle. Come on, follow me.” He walks to the bathroom. I stare at him, immobilized with distrust. “Listen, I can’t leave you lallygagging in here while I get food. Cooperation; remember?”

  I hesitantly walk over to the bathroom, he pulls out a pair of handcuffs and cuffs me to the the plumbing underneath the sink. Then he pulls out duct tape from his bag, and tapes my feet together, then my hands. “I’m not gonna cover your mouth, but if I come back and you’re screaming, well then, I’ll have to do it for the rest of our time together. Besides, we are in a shit hole in the middle of nowhere. No one will hear you. I paid off the illegal maid to stay away from this room.”

  “I won’t scream, okay?”

  “Any special requests?” You’re fucking kidding me. I just stare back at him.

  “Suit yourself.”

  He closes the bathroom door behind him. I count to 10-Mississippi before trying to pull on the cuffs and break the pipe, but it won’t budge. I scan the bathroom for anything that could be used as a tool, but all there is is soap and a shower curtain. It only takes me a few minutes to realize I will be staying here, and going along with at least the early parts of Eric’s plan. Sweat pours down my brow, I try to wipe it, but without free hands it is nearly impossible. It stings my eyes so I take a few deep breaths to center myself and cool down. For now, I believe that Eric does not want to harm me, but I know he has a different fate mapped out for Taylor. My heart floods with worry at what he might do. Taylor has been impenetrable, he has had no weakness until meeting me. I thought I gave him strength. Now I may be the death of him.

  About 15 minutes later, there is the sound of someone entering the motel room: paper bags fumbling, chairs being moved, and then the television being turned on.

  “Hello?” I call out in an inquisitive tone, but not loud enough for Eric to think I am calling for help.

  Eric opens the bathroom door. “Sorry, I was just setting up the space.” How strange that a captor would apologize so much to his captive. He pulls the tape off of my ankles which were luckily covered in pants. My wrists aren’t so lucky. “Shit, this is going to hurt,” he says. “Alright, one…two…three!” He yanks off the tape and I hiss at the burning pain, my wrists instantly turning red. He gently rubs them to distract the pain, then he uncuffs me. I walk out to the bedroom, where he has made a makeshift eating area for us with a small table and two mismatched chairs. He has me sit in the chair furthest from the door making it impossible for me to access the exit without getting through him first.

  “I got you a cheeseburger, fries and some diet coke. There’s not a lot of variety out in these parts. I hope that’s okay.”

  “It’s fine. Thank you.” Did I just thank him? Wait, that’s good. I should make him feel like he can trust me.

  We pull our food out of our respective bags and in this moment, it feels a lot like the first time we met at the bar, just two people sitting together over food and drink. I unenthusiastically bite into a fry. He grabs a few at once and then bites into them at the same time. “Mmmm. These fries are really good,” he says smiling at me. He’s right, maybe it’s the hunger, but they are fan-fucking-tastic. “Listen, I know you hate me right now, but can we at least agree that these fries are delicious?”

  “Yeah,” I say, looking at him out of the corner of my eyes, trying not to shovel the entire box down my mouth.

  “So, I guess you now know that I’m Evan.”

  I nod.

  “Listen, let’s get it all out there Shyla. I don’t have shit to hide now. I’m a fugitive from the law,” he says laughing in apparent disbelief.

  “Let’s,” I say dully.

  “Why don’t you ask me what you want to know?”

  I get in one more scrumptious fry before I start. “Did you really leave the country?”

  “Yes. I left right after I saw you, under my real name. I had a pre-arranged flight to leave the country before I came to see you. At that point I had no idea you and Taylor would frame me for rape and assault. I thought at most you might call the police for breaking and entering. Leaving the country gave me some time to lay low, allow the trail on me to go a little cold and Taylor to get comfortable. It gave me the time and space to figure out my options. In my line of work I have special contacts, fake identities, yadda yadda. I came back into the country under Evan Sumner. FBI and the police have no idea I am in the U.S.”

  “Your line of work…the detective said you didn’t have a security firm.”

  “Well, Eric Holden doesn’t. Evan Sumner did. I sold the company months ago.”

  “How long have you been following us?”

  “Since you returned from vacation. I wasn’t sure what to do. I still wanted to get to Taylor more than ever, but if I ambushed you together, even when you were alone, that would be too messy. I’d have to get one of you alone. I preferred not to bring you into this, but Taylor is always secured, whether it be at H.I. or having his ‘driver’ around. So I knew if I could get you alone, well, I could cripple him, get him to come over to me easy. When I saw you leaving the house alone today, I had to follow you. Then I realized where you were headed, and holy shit, I knew you were going to make me. So I had to make very quick plans to intercept you on your way back. I couldn’t afford you going back to the police with this info.”

  “Shit.”

  “What?”

  “I’ve done it again. Every time I do something behind Taylor’s back, I get us neck deep into shit.”

  Eric smiles. “That’s why he’s so into you. He likes to tame, and you challenge him. But don’t be so hard on yourself, it’s Taylor who gets people into shit.”

  “He doesn’t put it so nicely,” I say.

  “Why were you going to visit Ev anyway?”

  “I found Em’s necklace and I wanted to return it.”

  “The necklace? The one her grandmoth
er gave her?”

  “Yup, that one.”

  “Dammit, Shyla. That’s why I like you. It’s shit like that. Perfect mix of nice girl and total obstinate pain in the ass.”

  “Yup, and look what it got me,” I say gesturing to the decaying room around me.

  “Shyla.” Eric looks into my eyes with his glassy blue eyes, he has Nan’s eyes, just like Taylor has Lyla’s. “You’re gonna be fine. I promise.”

  I nod. I won’t be fine if you hurt Taylor.

  “And thank you for returning the necklace, Em was so heartbroken about losing it. Where did you find it?”

  “At H.I. She never lost it at Taylor’s like she thought. So are you going to tell me what’s really going on here? Why you came back to town in the first place?”

  Eric sighs, raking his golden-brown locks with his fingers, then scratching his neck. “Yeah. It’s hard for me Shyla. It’s still really hard.”

  “I know all about confronting tough subjects.”

  “So you know, Taylor and I never got along. And you and I need to talk about that too after we finish talking about Em. Then I was asked to leave.”

  “Oh yes, because you tried to have him killed.”

  Eric rolls his eyes. “Taylor’s not right Shyla. You may not see it, but he’s not.”

  “And that justifies killing him?”

  “You couldn’t possibly understand what it was like growing up with him. He was like a child of the corn. And then my dad, choosing him over me, it was a slap in the face because ever since he came into the picture that’s all my father ever did.”

  “But that’s not Taylor’s fault.”

  “Taylor is no saint.”

  “I know, but he’s no monster either.”

  “Shyla, he is capable of becoming a monster when it suits him, I promise. Anyway, we’re getting off track here. After being gone for so long, I decided enough was enough. I wanted to see if somehow he and I could coexist again. I missed my parents, my mother thinks I just abandoned the family.” For a moment, I feel for him: Nan’s cold indifference towards her drifter son. “So I came back a little over a year ago, to H.I. As I was walking into the lobby, I saw a pretty girl, she looked so sad, talking to someone just out of my view. Eventually, he stepped out from behind a pillar and I saw it was Taylor. I hid, I could tell by watching that if his mood was already sour, and if he saw me, there would be no chance at reconciliation. They were having a discussion, well it looked like he was telling her something. She kept nodding, and then he just walked away from her, when she was in mid-sentence. As though her words were worthless, as if she was just made of thin air. God, she looked so sad when he turned his back on her. Em stood there frozen, in disbelief. Her hands were stuck in the middle of a gesture. I think it finally registered who she was dealing with at that moment. She slowly dropped her hands and started to calmly walk towards the exit, but then she started to run, just sobbing. And I couldn’t help myself, to see how he made this girl cry like that. I wanted to know who Taylor had become, and she seemed to be the perfect person to give me insight. I followed her out onto the sidewalk, and I approached her. I asked her what was wrong. She was hesitant at first, but we went to a park and talked.”

  “She didn’t know you were Taylor’s brother?”

  “No, never. I had been using Evan as an alias for a couple of years before that, running my businesses under that name. I wanted nothing to do with the Holden name for a while. It was easy to keep that identity up. Eric Holden didn’t exist in the world of Evan Sumner and vice versa.”

  “And then?”

  “And then, she and I became close quickly. I couldn’t be with her and be a Holden, so I decided to forget about coming back home. She confirmed that nothing about Taylor had changed, it just morphed. His need to control, his ownership of those around him. Once he found the slightest imperfection in a person, he disposed of them like garbage. And the things he made her do…” Eric drifts away for a moment. “Our relationship was a whirlwind. We moved up by her parents, and I thought, fuck it, I don’t need Taylor or my parents, I could start over. In the end, they chose Taylor over me. At least my father did. But Taylor, fucking Taylor, he ruined everything, as he always does. He stole her from me long before I even met her.”

  “She never got over him.” I say. I know Em, I know how impossible it would be for you to get over Taylor.

  “Oh it was far worse than that. Sure, she never got over him, but she also never got over the person she became for him. She was a small town girl, her eyes were big over the hot-shot Taylor Holden, and he took her and used her in ways most people can’t ever imagine, and then when he was finished with her, discarded her like a rotten piece of meat.” Oh how the same story sounds so different coming from another person’s mouth.

  “Well, did he force her?”

  “No. But, he manipulated her. And Shyla, I am fucking warning you, you need to watch out for yourself. I have been trying to warn you, he is not who you think he is.”

  “Eric, with all due respect, I am so sorry for what happened to Emily, but Taylor has always been very clear about his lifestyle and he has been with me from the beginning. You don’t understand our relationship. You couldn’t possibly understand the history we share.”

  “You know, Em thought she saw something in him too, but when it was over, he sucked the innocence right out of her.”

  “But he left her.”

  “Well, yes.”

  “So she would have stayed with him. It was the fact that he left her that made her so upset.”

  “Wow, he really has you. It’s the fact that once he was done with her, she was nothing to him. It’s like he has no soul.”

  “Well, you don’t know the Taylor I know.”

  “Oh, sure. He’s just a bundle of warmth and joy.”

  “No, he’s Taylor. Someone who has suffered things you and I can only imagine, and despite it all has been able to become an amazing human being.”

  “Wow. Amazing? That’s one way to put it. Do you know what he did to Em? Maybe he does this stuff with you, maybe not. I have to admit, you seem to be special to him. You still have that spark in your eyes, like he hasn’t sucked out all of your dignity yet. When people are an inconvenience to Taylor, he discards them, but not with you.”

  I stare intently.

  “He dehumanized Em. Sure, she worked in his office, but every night when they came home, she stripped down to her naked body and he put a collar on her, he literally walked her around like a pet.”

  I hold in a wince. Taylor has told me about his subs in the general sense, but hearing the details from Eric, he says it with such a distaste, as if he has sour milk in his mouth.

  “She couldn’t look at him or talk to him unless he permitted her to do so. He fed her, bathed her, kept her locked up in his little dungeon room whenever he didn’t need her.”

  “But he never imprisoned her. She could leave at any time.” I hear my voice outside of myself, as if I am listening to some stranger defend Taylor.

  “And then,” Eric pauses for a moment, his pale, freckled face flushes with rage. “He would give her away, like a trading card. Watch as other men had her, defiled her, did things to her that would make her shiver months later. Sometimes he would just give her away for a whole weekend. When she asked him why, he would just say ‘because it pleases me.’”

  I bite the inside of my lip.

  “He doesn’t do that with you, does he?”

  I don’t answer.

  “No, he wants you all to himself. If I were another man, I would do things to you to get back at him, but I’m not.” How noble of you, Eric.

  “You already have.”

  “No. Listen to me: no.”

  I roll my eyes.

  “I don’t know what he’s told you about me. Yes, I may have crossed the line with him years ago, but I have paid for that. That’s the only thing I’ve really done wrong. Taylor hates me because I challenge him. I call him on his bullshi
t. He could never handle that.”

  I bite my tongue. There’s no point in arguing with his claims of innocence.

  “You know what else he would do to Em? He would fuck other women, he knew she didn’t like that, but he would make her watch. Just to make her jealous. He would make her do things just to exert his control over her, like make her shoplift from convenience stores. Just so he could feel the thrill of telling her what to do.”

  “But she could leave whenever she wanted.” I recite the line like a drone.

  “Listen, I didn’t care, that’s how much I loved her. I just wanted to move on. And we were happy for a while, we were, but then the cracks started to show…she started to drink. At first it was here and there, but then I started finding hidden bottles around the house. She slept the days away. Cried when she was awake. Told me I couldn’t love her, that she was used up and worthless. No matter what I said, she wouldn’t believe it.” I wonder if she wanted him to tell her she was, so she could feel the way Taylor once made her feel. “I got her to go rehab, and we were back on track, we started planning for a family, but one night, she left her email account open, and god I wish I hadn’t looked…”

  “What?”

  His emotions begin to pour out of him. The pain seems to be as raw as the day he first saw those messages. “She was sending Taylor messages everyday. Begging him to take her back. That she would do anything to be his again. That she would be his slave all over again if he would just take her back and I fucking lost it. There was so much detail, and she sent him pictures. He wouldn’t reply and so each email got more desperate, more pathetic and lowly. The things she promised she would do to get him back…We got into an argument, she left the house, and well, I guess you know what happened.”

  By this time tears are streaming down Eric’s cheeks, his face flushed from remorse and sadness. And dammit, I don’t want to, but I feel so badly for him, for the love who would never love him back, at least not like she loved Taylor; and for the child he would never see. Em was to Eric as Taylor was to Em. Like a mist, he could see her and yet he couldn’t get a hold of her. Against all common sense, I walk over to his side of the table and I rub his shoulder. Because it will make him trust me, and because it’s the right thing to do. He grabs my hand, leaning his cheek on it. His quiet cry progresses to sobs, the warm, thick tears falling onto my hand.